Will you blow on my dice?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
