he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
