to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
