so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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