She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
