he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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