I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
