Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
