is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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