i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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