he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
