if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
