I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
