im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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