i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
