she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
