"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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