ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
