also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
