I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How does it feel to date your dad?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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