She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
