I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
