His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
