thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
