Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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