I'm really into asian looking animals
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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