I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
