I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
