Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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