Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
