he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
