I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
