apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He felt like a one man threesome
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
