I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
