we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
