dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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