i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
