it was like his penis was on wheels.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
