He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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