When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
