We tried having a conversation with our noses.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
