shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
