There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
