Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
