are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
