In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
