I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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