evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I see more hoeing in ur future
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