we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
