My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
