Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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